I Could Probably Win a Nobel For This

18 comments

It’s the medical device of the future, folks: The diabetes sex toy.

Okay, stick with me a minute. The idea came to me while I was having dinner with Kelly last month (I almost wrote “having sex with.” Caught myself just in time. But wouldn’t that have been the gossipfest-of-the-week for the DOC?)

Anyway, I was having dinner with Kelly when my CGMS went off. I have it on vibrate, it was in my pocket and tickled my leg, and you know where this is going, right? We talked about what an awesome sex toy it might make if, say, the vibration lasted for more than three seconds. One could create these in tens of fun colors, provide the option of ridges, for enhanced pleasure, and maybe adapt the screen to show movies. And we would call it–

–wait for it…wait for it–

The Sexcom

I mean, I realize it’s totally incongruous, medical devices and sex. In fact, my pump and CGMS are often the bane of my sex life, worrying where they are, whether they’ve become detached, why is this buzzing and that beeping, is the plastic casing digging into his sensitive areas, etc. But we could make those devices fun! And plus, here’s the brilliant part: orgasms burn calories, right? (I mean, so I’ve heard.) (Not that I’ve looked it up or anything.) (200!!!) So don’t you think they probably also lower blood sugar too??? Let’s just say a diabetic has a blood sugar of 160, per the prototype above. So the Sexcom™ goes off, starts vibrating away and…she would only need to place it in the right spot for awhile, and BAM, her sugar would drop by oh, say twenty points. If that still isn’t enough, and if she is a woman (this is probably only a good toy for women anyway), she can probably use it again, and again, until she’s back in range!

Or I guess she could just bolus. But it wouldn’t be anywhere near as fun. And it would make high sugars so much less horrible. In fact, the higher the sugar, the more less horrible it would be.

I am applying for a patent…Expect to see the Sexcom™ in stores soon. (Anybody want to volunteer for clinical trials?)

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18 responses to “I Could Probably Win a Nobel For This”

  1. Dayle says:

    Oooooh you make me giggle! We can count on you to put some of the ideas and thoughts the rest of us would be hesitant about right out there! :-D

  2. Chris says:

    But…would insurance cover it? I the medical necessity forms for the Dexcom were pretty straight forward, don’t you think this would be a bit more..um..complicated?

    Regardless of what insurance companies say, I support this effort. If you need some start-up capital, I’d love to be a silent partner ;)

  3. k2 says:

    Ahhhh, memories of our dinner w/the Sexcom!
    It is indeed the gift that keeps on giving~

    When do the clinical trials start?

    Kelly K

  4. This lends itself to a whole new meaning for “sweatbetes”…

  5. Crystal says:

    Being single (sigh) and all, I will go along for the ride when the trials begin. :-p

  6. Scott S says:

    Sounds like it could work for many people! You ought to pursue getting FDA approval; after all, if they could give Latisse® approval for the medical condition of regrowing eyelashes so they’re longer and thicker, why not a Sexcom to lower BG levels by 20 mg/dL. Some people might use it all day!

  7. Kerri. says:

    I’m still laughing at Kelly’s comment. CLINICAL TRIALS!!!!

  8. Mitra says:

    OMG, this post made my day! I’m at work doing *serious* research on diabetic blogs (I work for a company that makes food for diabetics) and stumbled across this post. Thanks for making my work day fun!

  9. Stacey D. says:

    I’m a little late reading this but I can’t stop lol’ing at a) the post and b) the comments! And just think, it could monitor your bg the whole time :P

  10. George says:

    I AM DYING!!! So, once again dudes get the shaft.

    Holy crap that came out wrong.

  11. Sarah says:

    OOooOH. Oh MY… Hmm. **raises hand** I’ll volunteer!
    ROTFLOL!!!!!!!! This post has MADE. MY. DAY!!!

  12. Rachel says:

    How did I miss this?!?

    Perfect, absolutely perfect, way(s) to lower blood glucose levels.

  13. Windy says:

    Hysterical!

  14. How do I NOT make some crazy lude comment here? Oh the restraint!

  15. Wow… Simply stunning. What an idea. Expect to see a pair of patents on this one and the newer men-focused ones, and to see the clinical trials soon!

  16. Hannah says:

    How did I not see this sooner? I am dying. But is it merely the Sexcom, or the Sexcom 7? Maybe the Sexcom 69? :P

  17. This is so hilarious. I love it. Kudos.

  18. Kim says:

    I just spit hot cocoa while reading, because I didn’t know what I would be reading. OMG. This is too funny and I can’t stop laughing!
    Kim recently posted..The Test That Is Both Big And Blue

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