All the books say we’re supposed to be talking to Anna pretty much constantly while we’re awake. There are studies showing that the more words we use now, the faster she’ll learn to talk and the bigger her vocabulary will be. So I carry her around everywhere I go, and we have these totally ridiculous, overly enthusiastic conversations. Transcript from last night: “This is chard I’m making for dinner! With purple stems, purple! Now I’m putting it in a strainer and turning on the tap! And now I’m washing it! Washing the chard! Look at the water, Anna! You like water!” etc., etc. And Anna stares at me blankly with her utterly appropriate, “You are certifiably insane, man…” look.
Sometimes to shake things up I’ll copy her attempts at vocalization, trying to make her feel like I’m listening and respect all she has to say. It sounds like a ten minute conversation between barnyard animals:
Anna: Eeeeyuuh…
Me: Eeeeyunh…!
Anna: Unnhunnhyaaah…
Me: Unnhunnhyaaah…!
Anna: Mmmmhmmmuhhh…
Me: Mmmmhmmmuhhh…!
And then, afraid she’ll start thinking guttural vowel sounds are real vocabulary, I’ll try making actual words out of the babble:
Anna: Eeeeeeeahhh…!
Me: Eeeeeahhhllipse! Is that what you were trying to tell me? An ellipse! Is a smooth closed curve that’s symmetric through both its horizontal and vertical axes!
And so on, until we both get bored.
But this constant describing of what I’m doing has, over the past few weeks, brought up an issue that will need to be resolved in the relatively near future. Namely, what do we call her Hmmm-hmmm? This issue comes up every night when I bathe her: “Now we’re washing your aaaarm, your right aaaarm, your haaaaand, now your behhhllleeee, look at your round behhhllleeeee! And down to your, um, um…! Um and now let’s move to your lehhhhhg…”
What do we call it? Her vagina? My baby girl, she doesn’t have a vagina! I mean okay, sure she does, but it’s not something I really want to think about at this point. And plus, it’s not her actual vagina we’re washing, it’s her vulva, the whole area, which sounds so stupidly clinical. Can you imagine a toddler talking about her vulva? (With boys it’s just so much easier, a penis is a penis is a penis.) (And lets take bets now that I’ve used the term penis four times in this post, on how many porn spams I’m going to get.)
So…I’m stuck calling it her “um.” But I’m going to have to figure this out within the next couple of months, once she moves past the mastery of vowel sounds. Is it her pee-pee? Her privates? Her cootchie? I’ve heard toddlers calling it their “cookie,” which is kind of cute, but I’d imagine that would lead to all kinds of association issues later on in life. (I want a cookie! She tossed her cookies! There’s peanut butter in my cookie! Do you want to eat a cookie?)
I mean when the time comes, sure we’ll discuss the technical terms. I’ll teach her she has a vagina (but ohlordno, what about the clitoris? Do you have to teach girls that they have a clitoris?) (Hi spammers!) But we need a term to use casually, when talking about wiping and washing. So okay, give me some advice here. What did you call it growing up? For those of you who’ve procreated, what do you teach your kids? Please discuss…
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You have just made me laugh so much that my friend wanted to know what I was laughing at!
When I was a kid, it was the wee-wee. Dorky. But that’s what the parentals called it. LOL
Cara recently posted..Healthy Eating
In my family, we tended to use “privates” unless a more specific term was needed. When we DID need a more specific term for guy parts, we used the real names. Female parts did not come up in discussions I took part in.
Bob P recently posted..Those Blasted Pills-
I guess we just didn’t talk about it at all when I was growing up, because I don’t remember any code word. But I do know my mother-in-law used to refer to it as a la-la. Kind of kills singing Deck the Halls at Christmas time though . . . Fa la-la la-la La-la la-la.
Karen recently posted..How do you say Im Low in German
I love your post – I’m imagining a 15 year old Anna looking through the archives of mom’s blog and blushing at the sight of her infant self with a censor bar over her hmm-hmm. PLEASE never stop blogging – all of this laughter is good for my health I think.
I had a brother and I think we used the term pee-pee because it could sort of work for both boys and girls. My mom says she wanted to avoid the whole “boys have a penis and girls have a vagina” conversation.
Melanie recently posted..Homemade Pizza
Our little guy will be 3 soon and since potty training has been in full swing we usually all it a pee-pee. And his accessories are either “nuts or ballies”. I want to say we always called it pee-pee for both genders growing up.
…Good luck with that.
Lindsey O. recently posted..Good to know – Egg Freshness
I don’t have kids of my own yet, but I remember calling it “my privates” when I was little. A think a lot of people embrace that term.
And is this a weird post to leave my first comment on? YES.
I call it a “Whowho”. Or you could go with “Pookie” which in Tagalog means Vagina, but it sounds nicer I think…some people don’t know that and they start calling their significant other “pookie”. I’ve met a few people who do that and I just want to tell them that they are calling their husband Vagina! But at any rate, if its a nice enough word to name your husband, it should be nice enough to name your whowho.
(My mom is from the Philippines, that is how I know what it means
)
Brenda W recently posted..Water World and Diabetes
I did a little research on this in Graduate School- research shows the best thing to do is call it a vagina- the real term- it allows children to be comfortable with themselves- it shows them that is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Children who have grown up with it being called the real thing have higher self esteem and better body awareness.
However, I’m not sure I could tell my small baby “I’m washing your vagina now”- so that’s my two cents but do what you want
brigdon recently posted..My one and only post about basketball
I’m starting to get confused – are you seriously just narrating what’s going on in MY house, or are you, indeed, living the exact same life as me right now?
BSparl and I are also having long discussions about nothing. My day with her is like a season of Seinfeld. But as far as the bathtime conversations go, I have called the area between her legs any combination of the following:
1. “Your nether-regions, sweetheart!”
2. “Your coolie.” (Which is what my mother called it. Weird.
3. “Your lady parts.”
4. “The lady pocket.”
5. “Your vagina … okay, that word is really serious, how about we go back to coolie?”
6. “THAT part.”
7. “Your wee ickle private place.”
8. “Vagina Town.”
And to be honest, No. 8 is sort of my favorite.
Kerri. recently posted..Clara Barton Camp
Oh for the love of GOD do NOT call it a cookie! I have horrible visions… We always called the girls whole area their bottoms. Of course, now that they aren’t babies any more and have asked questions, they know the real names… sort of… but for right now, just wash her bottom! LOl
I have 2 sons and a daughter. The boys had a peepee and my daughter just had a bottom.
I’m a labor & delivery nurse, so I have heard it called so many things. Most are totally inappropriate.
I have to agree with Holly … calling it a cookie can end in some bad confusion!! And I cannot stop cracking up.
Stacey D. recently posted..Meet Annie
haha.. this is too funny. With my babies I always just called that area their bottom. “now I’m washing your bottooommm”. My son is in the process of potty training now, so we need a word to help him learn to aim, we call it his pee pee. When I was growing up they were “privates”.
Sooo funny!!! Well here’s how are bath time goes… “Let’s wash your hands, they go in your mouth, we’ll scrub em’ good! Now your arrrrms! And your bellleee:) Let’s wash your little piggys and your chunky monkey legs, now (the part you’re waiting for) your hooty hoo and your booty too! LOL!! Sooo as of right now it’s a hooty hoo, mostly cause it rhymes with booty too:) hahaha
O.o
this had my cracking up laughing for like 10 minutes, thank you m’dear!
her butt is her bootie and her vagina is her patootie for now
like when i go to change her diaper i say “lets change your booty patootie”
but in the bath i tell her i’m gonna wash her “girl parts”
Teach her to call it her self worth and raise her to value it as the only thing of worth she will ever have.
In my family we called it a fuck-hole. My parents would always tell us girls “After you use the bathroom don’t forget to wash your fuck hole”.
I grew up well adjusted.